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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23896441">The Vocation of Jasper Whitlock</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/aerialla/pseuds/aerialla'>aerialla</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>One Drop [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:47:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,834</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23896441</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/aerialla/pseuds/aerialla</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“You could not remove a single grain of sand from its place without thereby … changing something throughout all parts of the immeasurable whole.”<br/>— Fichte, The Vocation of Man (1800)</p><p>One drop led Jasper Whitlock and now he has a second chance to change his life and to be the man that not only was the most feared warrior the vampire world had ever seen, but to be the man that Bella Swan needs. Can he do this while fighting wolves, his own family and the fates that keep trying to take it all away.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Jasper Hale/Bella Swan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>One Drop [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1722439</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Part One: Angels Fall  - Guilt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Part One: Angels Fall</strong>
</p>
<p>I walked the path that led me to the end - When angels fall with broken wings I can't give up, I can't give in - Breaking Benjamin (Angels Fall)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Guilt</strong>
</p>
<p><br/>
I can stop the pain If I will it all away - Evanescence (Whisper)<br/>
Take away the dark inside, and lead me to the light - Breaking Benjamin (Close Your Eyes)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I stand in the doorway of our room and watch my sweet Alice in a flurry. She tosses one outfit after another into her designer luggage. Items of clothing fly out and others added in their place. The discards litter the floor, thousands of dollars cast off like rags. Breath catches in her chest several times and her sadness hits me like a Mack truck. Bella was her first real friend and she had to leave her behind because I could not control my bloodlust. My senses are still reeling from the drop of Bella's blood and it has me trying hard to shake the euphoria from my mind and her taste from my tongue.</p>
<p>"I'm so sorry Alice, if I could take this night back, I would, if only to take away your pain." Stopping her stride, I pull her into my arms trying to capture her pain as my own. She sighs against my chest and her pain does soften some but guilt quickly replaces the others.</p>
<p>"What do you have to feel guilty for? None of this was your fault." My fingers make small circles on her back and try to calm her down.</p>
<p>"I saw tonight happen, Jasper. At first, it was all happy, everyone was happy, and Bella was opening her presents. You lunged at Bella, the same as in my vision. I did not believe my vision Jasper, I did not want to believe it. You've been doing so wonderfully around Bella, and I did not want to believe that you could hurt her. I believed in you so much that I refused to listen to the truth."</p>
<p>Her sadness turning to anger is a slap to the face. It does not take me feeling her emotions to know what she is getting at.</p>
<p>"I'm so sorry Ali if I knew what came over me I would tell you, but I don't. However you want me to make it up to you, Ali, I will." I whisper the words in her hair and try to still the swirling emotions coming off her.</p>
<p>"I believed in you, Jazz. I convinced the rest of the family that you were not a danger to Bella, that you had the hunger under control. You made me believe in you so much that I did not trust my own vision. Now our family is breaking apart."</p>
<p>"It's all right Alice. We know that sometimes your visions do not come through clearly. I didn't know that I would go after Bella so easily for one drop of blood. None of us did. You are not at fault here, Alice."</p>
<p>"I know that, I do. It was an accident and not any of our faults, but Jasper, Edward is making us leave anyway, because of your actions. Edward does not feel as if Bella is safe with us. He cares for her so much, Jazz, but now, Edward is going away and he might never come back. Edward's heart is being ripped out of his chest because I swore to everyone that you would never hurt Bella." Alice pulled away from me, turning her anger at me now mixed with disappointment and regret.</p>
<p>"What do you want me to do, Alice?" I hate that her back is to me and her disappointment in me is so strong it's choking.</p>
<p>"There's nothing you can do, Jasper. The damage happened and it's over. Edward is not going to listen to anything now. We will do what he asks and leave. Maybe in the long run it will be the best."</p>
<p>She turns and looks, her eyes so full of emotion that it is hard to grasp them all as she stares at me. "Where do you want to go?" I will do as she asks, finding some way to make it up to her.</p>
<p>"Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett, are going to Denali. Edward will not tell me where he is going and I..."</p>
<p>There is a pause at the last one and looking at her, I know she would be crying if she could. I block her emotions and focus on my own. "Ali, where we will be going?" I try to make it seem as if I did not hear her right.</p>
<p>"I'm going my own way for a while, Jasper." Shame forces her to look at the floor standing stock-still which is unusual for her.</p>
<p>"Do I get to ask why or where, or are you like, Edward going to decide for me?" It is hard for me not to clench my own hands in anger. I lived off humans for longer than some of them had been vampires and they expect me to turn the urge for human blood off like a switch. I fed off humans in the past and was now at fault for tonight. Where was Edward's responsibility in this whole mess? He wanted to kill Bella, himself, he openly admitted it. Edward had killed humans as well, but he was exempt for whatever reason. Hell, Edward came close to killing Bella last year when he barely controlled himself in enough time to save her life.</p>
<p>"I do not know. I need time away, Jasper. I am not trying to decide for you, but I need time on my own. My visions have been untrustworthy lately and I need to figure them out. I love you, Jasper, but until I get my mind clear I think it is best if we separate." Sighing, she sits on our bed and clasps her hands in her lap. She will not even look at me.</p>
<p>"I did not hurt her, Alice!" My voice is loud and harsh. I can not contain the anger that wells up inside. All this was because I lunged at Bella. Just thinking her name makes the blood sing on my tongue and I turn away from Alice, before I give anything away with my eyes.</p>
<p>"That is not in doubt, but you could have killed her. It was a paper cut, Jasper, not blood pooling on the floor. You lost control over something insignificant. A separation will be good for both of us." Alice continues sitting and staring, even when a knock comes to the door.</p>
<p>"Hey man, Carlisle wants to talk to you in the library." Emmett carries bags in his hands and Rosalie was behind him tugging on his arm.</p>
<p>From, Emmett, all I feel is regret and sorrow that this is happening to our family. He looks at Alice and does not say anything. Emmett knew what was going on. He was not that dense. Rosalie is pissed off and feeling justified that what she said would happen, did. She shoots daggers at me and tugs Emmett from the doorway. Just wonderful they all know that Alice and I are separating before I do. What the hell is going on here? It can not be all because of tonight. Something else is going on here and I want the answers. Leaving Alice behind, I do not bother shutting the door and go straight into Carlisle's office. The door is open and Esme is not around. She’s packing to leave too; she always did whatever Edward wanted.</p>
<p>I close the door behind me and stand in front of the massive desk. Carlisle, stares out the windows and into the surrounding forest. His sorrow palatable and his disappointment in me almost undid the last of my resolve.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry that it came to this, Jasper. If I had known this would be the ending, I would have discouraged him and his love for Bella. We should have all been more considerate of you during your transition into our way. All we can do now is to leave Bella, behind to a normal life. We have gotten too familiar with human society and this is the debt that we have to pay." Carlisle, does not turn around and for an instant, I wish I had Edward's power and could read his mind. His emotions are at such a loss. They do not speak of hope, only sorrow, sorrows for us all. Carlisle turns around, looking at me then. His eyes are not accusing me of any wrongdoing, only disappointment in the actions I took. It was the look of a father to his son. If I were Emmett or Edward, that look may have worked, not on me. My gut tells me condescension and reproach, something that just pisses on my last nerve, especially knowing a speech follows. Even in my human days I was never one for speeches, not from others nor when I was training my own army.</p>
<p>"Alice has told me of her feelings for space and I am asking that you come with the rest of us to Denali. She will join us when she is ready as will Edward, when the time comes. They were both so close to the young woman that this is hard for them. The only thing we can do for them is to give them their time. It will not be an easy road for any of us, but this is the best choice. I feel, Jasper, that our lifestyle has not been easy for you. My time at the hospital has always been so precious to me that I feel I may have overlooked your problems in the past. Though I will say, we have never had this unique problem before. The young woman has been a distraction and a detriment for us all. We care for her but it was unjust of us to believe she could habituate with us so freely without paying some price."</p>
<p>"Esme and I are leaving as soon as possible. I would like you to hang back and talk to, Edward. I know that even through his anger he would be appreciative of your apology. You may be the only one who can make him see reason and come with us instead of going on his own. I have tried to raise you all in our life to the best of my abilities, but I fear in many areas where I have been lax and lacking. I am sorry my son." I went to speak and he stopped me with a hand. With his emotions I did not think right now, he wanted an apology from me.</p>
<p>That he believes he raised me in the vampire life rankles up my spine. I was raised on a battlefield first as a human Major then as a vampire General; a life of blood, violence, sex, and power, not the bullshit luxury of Edward and Rosalie. My hands clench at my side and I turn everyone else off to contain my own anger before someone's head gets ripped off and burnt to ash. For the first time in decades the other half of me rises up out of the box I forced him in, like Jack Nicholson shouting "Honey, I'm home."</p>
<p>"We'll talk later in Denali, right now there is much to do. I need you to grant me one favor Jasper. One favor and then we can put this all behind us." He gathers papers from his desk now, readying himself as well for our move. I can only nod my head at his request. "I know it will be hard for you to do after last night, but I need you to apologize to Bella for us all. We never meant to hurt her but it will be better without us to destroy not only her life but also her chance of normalcy. You will have to wait until Edward leaves, of course, but I would like her to know the rest of us care for her."</p>
<p>"I'll do as you ask." The words form almost hoarsely in my throat. Turning I leave the office shutting the door behind me. I linger there for a moment knowing once Carlisle thinks I am gone, his guards toward my power will lower and I could get his real feelings on the matter. After his little speech, my gut and military training tells me that something is not right, and it’s never been wrong before.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This story was originally uploaded to fanfiction.net in 2009 under the name Aerialla1 and it's title was Second Chances. It takes place immediately after my fic One Drop. Other than some difference in chapter titles and a better editing it is standing as it was then. This story started out because of one Breaking Benjamin song Breath so Breaking Benjamin is still a huge influence on my work, along with hard rock and metal. I can easily see Jasper getting lost in the aggression that comes from hard rock as a release. I have tentative playlists started on Spotify for anyone curious of the songs and any lyrics I use; one is hard rock/metal, the other one is classical modern pieces.<br/>The quote is along the same vein as ripple effect and butterfly effect in how one small thing, in this case the one drop of Bella's blood changes everything and keeps having the after effects. The title is taking from the writing of Fichte. His treatise goes into detail the aspects of man using Doubt, Knowledge and Faith, written in 1799 in German and then published in English in 1848 it would have been the kind of reading that Jasper would have been reading before the war and may have been something he read that urged him to join in the war efforts. The book reads very much like an extremely early self-help guide. It is a free read for anyone wishing to read it; blame the parts of me that needed the history and classics degree. https://archive.org/stream/vocationmantrby00fichgoog#page/n15/mode/2up</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Lies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I heard, for I could not avoid doing, and what was taught me remained in my memory just as chance had disposed it.” Fichte “The Vocation of Man” Book One: Doubt</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> Lies </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sealed with lies through so many tears/Lost from within, pursuing the end/I fight for the chance to be lied to again - Evanescence (Lies)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It's OK for you to hate me/For all the things I've done/I've made a few mistakes/But I'm not the only one - Five Finger Death Punch (Coming Down)</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>T</b>
  <span>he door off Carlisle and Esme's bedroom to the office opens and Esme, Emmett, Rosalie and Alice walk in. I do not need to wait for feelings they were going to talk about me behind my back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Emmett, please check the door and make sure that he has gone. I do not want him to hear this. It is too hard for him. I do not want to make it any harder." Without seeing Carlisle, I know he is gesturing toward the door. Quickly I duck into Rosalie and Emmett's bedroom making sure to leave the door just the way they had. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Nah. He's not there. I hope he is out hunting before he does anything stupid. The door closes with a barely audible click and I return to my position outside it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Emmett that was rude. Does he know?" Esme's lilting voice is barely above a whisper. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I did not tell him, I could not, Jasper still has so far to go with his control that I thought telling him would be cruel." Carlisle shuffles papers and snaps his briefcase closed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Are you going to tell Edward? She was his first after all. Do you think that it's fair that he knows?" Rosalie's voice is as haughty as ever. She hates every aspect of our lives. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I can hear Alice choking dry sobs in her chest. What the hell is Alice doing in this conversation? Was she in on this as well? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah cause Edward is the type of guy who wants to know that the blood of his human love sings for someone else. Get a clue Rosie. Edward will kill him and scatter the pieces far and wide." Emmett is ever the truthful one. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Tell us exactly what you saw in your vision Alice." Carlisle's gentle prodding has me almost pressing my ear against the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I saw them together. Bella and Jasper, they were in each other's arms. Her blood calls to him the same it does for Edward. Maybe it is because they are the ones of us who have tasted human blood. I did not see any more than that. The vision happened when Edward grabbed Jazz." I could hear her sobs on the other side of the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah, but what one does Bella wind up with. Edward's leaving and Jasper's coming with us." Emmett asked one of his usual questions. He always wants to know the ending of the story before it even begins. I hear the smack from Rosalie along with her anger at the situation. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So Alice, are you saying that both of my brothers are in love or will be with the same human because of her blood. I told you all that Bella would be the end of the family. Why do you never listen to me?" Rosalie in her tactless way did not even realize that she had hurt Alice to the quick. The pain in Alice has me clutching the door for support. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Rosalie, show some compassion, you are talking about Bella, and like it or not she will become a full member of this family. Edward and Jasper are still your brothers and Jasper is Alice's mate." Esme shoved Rosalie aside and grabbed Alice into her arms. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That is the thing that hurts the most. I always knew that Jasper and I would not be together forever. When I envisioned him the first time, I saw us having many years together and then one day he was not there. Over the years, I have caught little glimpses of whom he would become but nothing that told me when or how. I think the latest one was the last puzzle piece, it answered when and how everything would change. I also saw someone else out there for me. I do not know who it is yet, but he is there. That is why I am going away. I need to give Jasper his chance and I need to take mine too." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I can hear her straighten up while I was the one that was slowing, sliding to the floor. How could all this be? How could she have played my life like a game? Alice had known all along that we would not be together forever and she had kept up the charade anyway. Fire black pain filled with rage ate at my chest and gut. I had done everything for her, changed the very man that I was for her and she was now throwing our lives away because she saw someone else in her visions for both of us. Venom pools into my mouth and my stomach clenches. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The taste of Bella's blood from that one drop broke free yet again on my tongue it hits my senses in a rush and hunger gnaws at me. Anger rages hot in my veins. If this was the way, Alice saw it in her visions then I would see it done. I let the growls build until the house filled with the sound. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The door thrusts open and Carlisle stands in front of me. I am on my knees and holding the frame for support. It is the only thing keeping me from curling up into a ball. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Since all of you want me to leave, consider me gone." The predator in me straightens from my position with grace. The part of me that is the Major breaks free, covering my ass and bringing forward the beast that protects me when everything else goes to shit.  I push Carlisle and stand in front of Alice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One look into her eyes and I see her fear, can feel it coming off her in hot blast waves. I know she can see my eyes blacken with fury and betrayal. She has never seen me in all my fury and it feels incredible letting it go after so many decades of burying it deep.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jazz I am sorry. I should have told you years ago and did not know how. Everything was always so good. This is not easy for me either. I do not want to believe that someone else is my mate. Unfortunately, for us both it is not you, Jasper. The best course of action is for us to separate and see what is out there for us. I will always love you, Jasper and am just not in love with you anymore. There is something better out there for us both. It's better this way." Silently I watch Alice pull her wedding ring off her finger and hold it out to me. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Silent rage wins over the hurt and loss that threatens to tear my heart from my chest. If I thought that it would help I would carve it out and place it at her feet. Alice is nothing if not set in her mind once she made her decision. This was it, the end of my family and now my marriage. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'll consider us divorced then my love since you have already seen someone else in our future's that is more enticing. That is unless you want to go through a legal divorce for an illegal marriage." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She is facing me in Esme's arms. I pull her from the place of safety and force my kiss quick, hard and brutal on her lips. It is not hard enough to tear the delicate flesh and I am glad. I had the one drop of euphoria that I did not want washed away. In an instant, my predator comes to the front of my being and I bite her lip making her wince. In a quick move I take the ring, I wear privately off my finger then and press it into her hand with such force that the diamond of her ring cuts into her palm drawing a wince to her face and leaving a trickle of venom sliding down her hand and to the floor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Emmett goes to grab my arm and my military experience has him on the floor in a lock hold. He stares up at me stunned, always used to being the strong one of the family. The protector now on his knees on the floor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I growl viciously when Rosalie steps near Emmett. They all misjudged me on more than one occasion throughout my life with them. I would not make the mistake of hiding myself again. I’m no ones neutered bitch. Part of me would always think of them as my family but I guess now it was the time for me to be the demon instead of the black sheep everyone took me for. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm sorry Carlisle but I don't think I will be joining you in Denali after all. However, do not worry I won't be looking for human blood anytime soon. Those days for me are truly over but I will not be the family pet project any longer." I let go of Emmett pushing him further down on the floor before I let go. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If you don't mind I will be back to get my things once everyone has left. I do not relish another goodbye." I look at Alice, her lip has healed and try not to be angry with her. Who knows maybe one day I will thank her. Right now, I can not forgive her and would not for a long time. The rest of the Cullens can kiss my sparkly ass, and pray that my vengeance doesn’t come in the form of C-4 and ticking timer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In an instance I am gone and running north. I need to feed on the most savage prey that I can find. The urge to feed is overcoming the taste of Bella's blood on my tongue. Currently, it will do none of us any good for me to go off the deep end for real and have someone wind up dead. The shit would hit the fucking fan with the Volturi on my head without an army of newborns to back me up. Reality sits though, the Major is back, the part of me I buried for the Cullens delicate sensibilities. The only one who wouldn’t feel the full force of my gift making them pluck out their brains through their eyes would be Esme, the only one who never fully treated me as a project, or the family freak. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Evanescence's song Lies can be found on youtube. It's not on Spotify since it's on Origin one of their early albums.  https://youtu.be/kSZU-1eCEto</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Confrontation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jasper confronts Edward the morning before he leaves Forks.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>I am not what I am because I think so , or will so. Nor do I think and will it. Because I am so. - The Vocation of Man </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Well, it's your weakness that you hide/ So, don't tell me how to live my life - Entwine (Someone To Blame)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Intoxicated eyes, no longer live that life/You should have learned by now, I'll burn this whole world down. /I need some peace of mind, no fear of what's behind/You think you've won this fight, you've only lost your mind - Breaking Benjamin (Had Enough)</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Confrontation </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>L</b>
  <span>ater I sit on the edge of a ravine and look out over the earth below. My senses have calmed and now after two mountain lions and a grizzly my need for blood filled to brimming. I think a lot clearer which is fortunate considering I have a lot to formulate in my head. Dawn would be rising soon and with it Edward will be back at the house to prepare for his departure. Without another thought, I take off at top speed. The thirst is sated for now but I am hungry for something more. The animals I killed failed to erase her taste from my tongue. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In no time, at all I am up a tree and looking through a bedroom window at two bodies intertwined. Bella lays under the covers curled around Edward's form. He reads a book. Luckily, for us all I am downwind and Edward had closed the window. The rain falling down in a steady beat through the tree will be enough to mask my scent when Edward leaves. For now, I keep my distance but soon he will be gone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dawn slowly begins breaking and I tense waiting. I hear the alarm in Bella's room go off and see Edward gently nudge Bella awake. Emotions storm through me not only from them but also from me. I try to block Edward's rolling emotions but they’re so fierce that they seep through anyway. There is such finality to them. He’s truly stupid enough to say goodbye. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In that instance, I know I’m not going to stop him. For once Edward is going to live with the consequences of his actions. He forced all of us too long to do his bidding. Someone’s going to have to pick up the pieces that Bella becomes once he’s left. If during that time I find a way to have more of the ambrosial nectar of her blood, even not directly from the source I will consider it time well spent.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I don't wait around and run back to the house to await Edward's arrival. Opening the front door, I'm glad to see that everyone has left. The house is cold and not just from lack of heat, there is no family here to make the place alive. I will not be able to stay here, not that Carlisle and Esme would say no. This is not home to me now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I feel Edward before I see him, preparing myself for the inevitable encounter. He walks through the garage door and I meet him in the kitchen. His eyes begin losing their topaz depths growing steadily black seeing me. The low growl in his throat tries to sound menacing but I’ve heard worse from a newborn kitten and continue to stand my ground. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What are you doing here?" His face contorts in anger and pain. It’s not worth the effort to calm or contain his emotions; for the moment, he’s entitled to them. My mind drones on at how I know that lunging at Bella was wrong and I was willing to apologize for it and to fulfill my favor to Carlisle. Blah, blah blah. My mind stays on the subject at hand and the information that Edward already knows</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I stayed to offer an apology Edward. You know that I would never intentionally hurt Bella." I put my hands in my pockets and show the vulnerability that leaves me open to his attack if that was his wish. Though he’d never see my counter coming. He wouldn’t be the first person to try to attack me unawares and wouldn’t be the first to eat dirt because of it either, though I might let him live for it. I picture my guilt-ridden dunk in the mountain stream still feeling the sorrow over attacking Bella. I know it will help convince Edward that I am serious in my apology. Do I honestly feel bad about it, yes. Bella has never done anything to me but treat me with kindness and respect, even knowing I can drain her dry in less than a minute. Hell, all of me likes her, even the sadistic bastard that likes to play with my food, and not as just a treat between the sheets or to quench my thirst, but because as a person she’s pretty damn special.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I do not worry about the intentional aspects, Jasper. It’s you giving into the need for human blood. You proved that you cannot be trusted around her, none of us can." His arms are crossed; his stance defensive. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Then why don't you stay? If you do not trust us enough, we can all leave. The rest of the family has already left. You don't have to leave her because of me." I feel the truth in his heart. He fears himself hurting Bella more than the rest of our family; me included. Guess Eddie Boy has some bloodlust of his own going on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This information lays quite curious and insightful in the back of my brain, leaving the front open to play with him. It’s quite easy to picture both of them in my brain alone in the empty house. Just the two of them were there with no distractions from the family. They could become enraptured with each other and not have to worry about anyone barging in. I picture them all alone and able to give into their passions. I throw some of my own lust his way at imagining a pliable Bella laying in silk sheets, her long hair fanned out, her body flush with desire. How good it would feel to slide into wet, hot heat. His lust has him gripping the marble island so tightly I can see the compression along with the erection in his pants; that I don’t think he’s ever had in life. Taking my mind down a dark path, I feed Edward grief. I picture both of them taking a more physical turn to their relationship. At Edward's release, I had him biting into Bella and draining the life from her because there was no one around for him to call upon for help or restraint. It’s not hard to picture her laying in the same sheets, her body covered in bruises, blood trickling down her thighs and mouth and twitching in death throws as the venom eats away her humanity. Damn it feels good to let the Major out to play, it’s been too fucking long.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I let the sorrow I would feel at Bella's death convey the vision I am portraying in my mind that Edward’s reading loud and clear in a haze of lust, want and grief. He knows he can’t control himself around her without the rest of us here, especially considering he’s never fucked anyone, let alone a virgin which can sure as hell bleed more than shitty papercut. Remembering the taste of virgin blood fresh from the tap has my own cock jumping in my jeans and I know he sees it. He now knows it’s possible to do it, but that’ he’ll never have the strength.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Parts of the stone counter fall away. He hangs his head low and I blank my mind as if I was ashamed at letting my own macabre thoughts and memories through. In reality, I was having a hard time not feeling justified. Edward’s getting a dose of his own medicine. Deep in his heart he now realizes that I was not the true danger to Bella, neither was the rest of the family. Edward was the danger to Bella, him and him alone. He knew the feelings of drinking your fill of human blood and the power it brought was a potent aphrodisiac. Deep in his soul, he understands that alone he would not be able to control his bloodlust. Edward’s bloodlust is as bad now as I once was; though only I freely admitted it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No, I have to go. I can't hurt her and I can't give her what she wants." Edward's head still hangs low and I can almost taste his fear. He emotes fear that in turning Bella he would not be able to control himself, killing her instead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"There are other ways of turning her without drinking her blood. You've been with Carlisle long enough to know that truth Edward." I walked closer to him. In reality, I did think of Edward as my brother; the annoying younger little prick that you want to beat the shit out of and stuff down the laundry chute.. Yeah, I do want him to feel the truth of what monster lay inside him but neither do I wish the journey to enlightenment that I had on anyone. I am tired of the little jerk feeling above everyone in this family. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I’m just sure as shit tired of Edward making him out as the big bad monster then portraying me currently as Satan incarnate, because I had fed on humans the longest. The truth was we were all the stuff of nightmares, but the difference between the real monsters and us was that we recognized what we were and tried to change that perception. Just because I craved the taste of human blood did not mean that I was going to massacre the senior class because I was thirsty. Those days of my history of being the Grim Reaper were over, I had my fill of being the biggest badass around as my powers grew, got the t-shirt and ditched the fight. Didn’t mean I still couldn't shove a pike up his ass and roast him on a spit, it just meant that it was no longer my first choice in comeuppance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What's so wrong about her staying human? Why is everything in our existence pain and death? Can she not see that this life is mediocre at best? I cannot do it Jasper even if it means forever with her. I cannot give her our reality of life. Even if I didn't kill her I don't think I could live with myself or her as a vampire." He straightens up and looks into my eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He just gave me the truth and I feel it to his very core. Edward does not want to change Bella period, he loves her but not enough for forever. The thing he loves most about Bella is she’s human and he would not love her any other way. The thought of her being a vampire sickens him. He abhors the thought that she would no longer be Bella, but that she would become a cold dead thing as we were. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edward made Bella believe in a life of forever he did not intend to give her. It was cruel and dawns on me that he used my lunging at Bella as an excuse to break it off with her; knowing Bella was not going to give up until one of us made her a vampire. Better to break her heart than make her into a creature that disgusted him. I now know the truth. Neither the Denali coven, nor Rosalie, the one created for him, had turned his head. It wasn’t because he saw them as unattractive or disinteresting. Edward sees vampire women as disgusting creatures. He’s ready to destroy the girl he supposedly loves because he can’t stomach her to be the same as him. Without a doubt, Edward loves Alice, Esme and Rosalie, but they are family and it was a rule that you always love family even if you did not like them very much. Which is why I’m here fucking with him instead of getting the hell out of Dodge.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Looking at him, he more than confirms my theory. Edward will not love Bella if she was a vampire, he would hate the very sight of her. It scared him and I pushed his own fear back at him. The fear of Bella turning into a vampire like us is bigger than her death, and the real reason he found the strength to suck the venom out of her in Phoenix; one fear overruled another. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Were Bella and her emotions nothing but a game to him? I let the thought run through my brain knowing that he would pick up on it without me having to say so much as a word. Was he willing to let anyone pick up the pieces that he was sure to leave behind? Anger poured out of him answering that question with an emphatic no. Edward doesn’t want Bella as a vampire no one else was to want the same thing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So what are you going to do just continue stalking the girl for the rest of her life to make her as lonely as you are? Does Bella's happiness mean anything to you? What about what Bella wants in life, does that not matter for something? If you are going to leave her Edward then do her the favor of leaving forever. Do not hang around waiting for her to find her happiness and then standing in the path every time. Don't fuck with her life because you don't have the balls to be in it with her." I know that parts of my language were harsh to Edward, the pristine poofter and ever the gentleman. I bring the image to mind of Bella as a lonely old woman, with no children or family, still pining away for something that would never be. Picturing Bella, a member of our family, happy and loved, I twist the picture in my mind to have her naked in front of me, deep red eyes and my willing mouth on her neck before I bend her over to take her from behind. Knowing this thought was wrong on many levels does not stop me from pushing it at Edward, just to punish him for the hell he was causing us all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Better for her my brother to leave a long even sad life, than to grant her a life of guilt and regret knowing that she had taken a life." He straightens and turns away from me, his mind fully resolved after visioning Bella in my thoughts with the human blood filled eyes. “If I find you near her, I won’t fail to destroy you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d like to see you try. You don’t own me Edward, none of you do.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then I guess we’re done here, Jasper.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah I guess we are.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No doubt sits in his mind now that leaving was the best thing for Bella. He can’t have it both ways and he now fully accepts that. In many ways as he walks away from me and up the stairs, he wears an air of relief. My brother truly is a fool. Edward is willing to throw his and Bella's lives away because he could not have the ideal relationship with a human woman. I really hope someday his pious attitude comes back to bite him in the ass. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I breath deep the scents of home and family then follow Edward up the stairs. I glance into his room as I pass and Edward's movements are hurried. I dose him with enough anxiety and fear that he won’t fuck with me before he leaves. Unlike Alice, Edward randomly throws items in a large duffel bag in disarray. His disgust toward me is palatable as is the want to rip me to shreds, but having just felt a fraction of my power leaves the house at full tilt.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Jasper learns something about Edward, and that is that no matter how much Edward wills himself to be different, he is still the same kind of monster that Jasper is. He's not willing to admit it, while Jasper accepts himself for who he is. Which is the meaning of the quote.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Disbelief</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jasper watches Edward leave Bella</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“We do not act because we know, but we know because we are destined for action; practical reason is the root of all reason.” - Fichte</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Disbelief </b>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>It hurts to want everything &amp; nothing at the same time/I want what's yours and I want what's mine - Michelle Branch (Goodbye To You)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Why, why does fate make us suffer?/There's a curse between us, between me and you - Within Temptation (What Have You Done Now?)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Where's the love we once had/Our destiny's unsure/Why can't you see what we had/Let the fire burn the ice/Where's the love we once had/Is it all a lie - Within Temptation (Fire and Ice)</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>C</b>
  <span>arlisle said I had to wait for Edward to leave; he did not say what I could or could not do in the meantime. Sure, he would not want me to do what I intended but it would not stop me. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hearing Edward leave, I give him a head start then run the distance to the school climbing to the roof within minutes. Making sure to stay down wind, I hide in the shadows and wait. Edward wants to give Bella this last day together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Patiently I watch the Volvo pull into the usual parking spot. Careful to stand down wind I easily cloak my mind from Edward. When his mind hears all the different brain activities around him, he would just think mine was that of any other teenage boy and flash images through my mind of school, girls and sex. Knowing Edward as I do the very instant that the images of naked bodies entwined would have him closing the connection to my mind immediately, especially when I added the images of Jessica Staley, who actually was hot when she wasn’t talking. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The salacious images of Jessica work like a charm. The look of sickened disgust on his face is priceless. Now I will be able to watch him and Bella from afar and Edward would not be the wiser. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edward helps Bella from the car and I catch her scent carried on the wind. For one instant I breath deep, letting the mouth-watering smell fill my senses. The taste of her blood bursts yet again on my tongue as I fight to control the growl threatening to erupt from my lips. As Bella and Edward walk across the parking lot, I focus in on Bella and the steady throb of her blood as it feeds through her heart. My body coils, ready to spring, craving the sweet honey on my tongue one more time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Physically I shake my head to clear my brain so I can focus on my brother and break all connection with Bella. Edward's determination and anguish over leaving are clouding what he feels for Bella, duty replaces love and it didn’t take very damn long. I do believe the boy’s fascination has finally run its course, guys like him are assholes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I can easily see Edward in his human life marrying the good girl his parents pick and spending the rest of his spiritual fulfilling life, miserable, repressed and unfulfilled; finally putting it to the maid after the heir and spare and never touching the wife again. What a tool and not the sharpest in the shed. He’s going to spend the rest of his existence living a life as dull and boring as his human one. Throughout the day, I change my position between the roof of the school and the surrounding trees. Edward grows so focused on leaving that he fails to notice the changes in Bella as the day wears on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At the end of the day, her hurt and confusion were palatable on my tongue. She doesn’t deserve this bullshit. The wind kicks up as Edward walks Bella to her truck and I close off all senses needing my concentration. I don't even need my eyes, just my ears and abilities. The truck cab squeaks and shifts as Bella climbs in, the suspension and shocks needing work, she also has an oil leak. She asks my brother if he will be over later that evening and tells him she has to work. There is such pleading in her for his attention and her hurt burns at me as Assward turns away from it. Edward doesn’t think Bella noticed the changes in him during the day as he steadily pulled away. He is sadly mistaken; with every moment of his indifference, Bella became more suspicious of his behavior. Hell by the time she gets  home after work she will have figured it out that he is breaking up with her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>By the time he shuts the truck door for her I am ready to tell her myself. My brother was the world's biggest idiot and egomaniacal narcissistic. Bella's feelings made my mind up for me. The hatred I was now feeling at my brother had me thinking of ways to kill him slowly. She is still very much worth it, Edward is not.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With lightning speed, I make it back to the house and up to my room as he pulls the Volvo into the drive; fortunately he takes off for the mountains instead of coming into the house. A few hours are all I will have before Edward's arrival at Bella's home. Quickly I fill a bag with clothes and head back to Forks wanting it to look like I left earlier, in case Edward decides to check. It will be just him to make sure that the family had indeed followed his orders and left the house. I leave through the garage, not bothering to check to lock doors or windows; there is nothing in the house that’s not easily replaced.. Once I am a few hundred yards away from the house, I stash the bag and run back to town. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stopping at Newton's store, I will wait for Bella to leave, then follow her home. Her worry is evident as I sit in the trees with my eyes closed, just listening and feeling. Much of the limb I’m sitting on is tinder by the time they close and Bella gets in the truck after her shift. Edward's car stands in front of the house empty, its engine cold. Presumably, he is inside talking with Chief Swan. It is close to dinnertime and with too many people around I can not watch from outside without being seen. I climb into the trees in front of Bella's house to wait. The tree was high enough that I could see Bella's house and hear what was going on inside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edward meets Bella outside the house instead of waiting for her to come in. He takes her book bag and sits it by the front door. "Come for a walk with me." He’s anxious again, and ready to get this chore done and over with; impatience starting to fill his mind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bella replies "Okay," and together they walk into the trees precariously close to my position. I stop all breathing and still my every movement. The wind blows high in the trees above me and I hope that scent doesn’t catch Edward’s nose. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They go only a few feet inside the woods, directly below me. Bella will know it’s happening and her pain claws at me. Edward's antsy feelings are coming through loud and clear. His concern in this moment is not about Bella's fragile heart and self-esteem, but with concern of how fast he could get the hell out of Dodge, or in this case Forks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In all my years in military capacity of one form or another, I have never seen a man as big of a coward as Edward Cullen. He would rather put his tail between his legs and run than stay and fight whatever obstacle in his and Bella's path. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edward leans against my tree directly under me and an old western term comes to my mind as Bella stands too still, listening as my brother's words slice her very soul and destroy her fragile heart. Her disbelief at first cuts me to the quick and I relive my last moments with Alice. I know exactly how Bella feels because all of this just happened to me. Pain like the kind Bella and I are feeling it’s the kind that's a kick to the stomach, ripping your heart out, stomping on it for a while, tearing it apart until there is nothing left. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edward as the cowboys of old would say is nothing but a lily livered yellow-bellied coward. My decision is easily made for me as I watched Edward walk away. He might be able to leave but I will be damned if he left her to go through this alone. They, he and Alice, have done this to us because they are weak. I will not stand idly by and watch as Edward destroys Bella. I am strong enough to get us both through this. When she is well and whole, I will turn my demon loose and send Edward to hell where he belongs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It will take careful planning and I am nothing if not the best strategist in the family. I follow Bella not wanting to be too close with her taste on my tongue; needing to be far enough away that I can run if for a second my predator instincts decide to turn. I doubt it will be so, all of me is enraged, vicious and snarling that anyone would dare to leave the person they claimed as a mate in a vulnerable position. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>My own pain insignificant to hers as she curls into a ball on the forest ground; night coming in around us. Getting her to safety is my priority but do not trust myself enough to be around her until I find a way to control my hunger for her blood. Taking out my cell phone, I call the police department, giving them Bella's location through an anonymous tip. I said I had been hiking and had caught a glimpse of a young woman out alone but that I had lost her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s not very long before the sounds of others and dogs came closer; still a few miles away. I continue to wait until I’m positive that they find her. Cold, sleeting freezing rain begins to beat down on all of us. The heat of her body continues to drop drastically and I’ve taken enough science to know that hypothermia is rapidly setting in. Wouldn’t that be a kick in Edward’s head, leaving her to die a human death all on her own. I’ll change her myself if they don’t come soon. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A man comes into view below me, the stench making me curl my mouth back in a snarl. The rage and disgust I keep in check, damn werewolves. The man finds Bella stating his name as Sam Uley. As he picks Bella up, it’s all I can do not to tear the man to pieces for even touching one hair on Bella's head. Gratitude fills me when Charlie takes his daughter into his arms. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Quickly I follow the party as Charlie carries his daughter to the squad car, and then into their home. Once they are inside, I don’t stay. Bella is being well looked after and for the moment it is all I could do. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Heading back to the Cullen house glad that Edward has seen fit to get immediately out of town. The way my feelings rage him right now are murderous, and destroying Esme’s house would hurt her too much. Every part of me is assured that if he comes back, hurting Bella again I will not stop until his body parts are scattered far and wide. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I take my time packing everything in the room that is mine alone, leaving the remnants of my life with Alice behind. On the dresser lay a letter, I crumple it, then toss it in a suitcase not even bothering opening it; knowing the remorseful comments without taking the time to read it. I don’t have time nor patience for her bullshit apologies and self introspection.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I’m tired of people deciding for me what is the best course of action in my life, especially those brought into this life far after me, or those never experiencing the full life of a vampire. In many ways, I’m grateful for this chance to be on my own without having to look over my shoulder to make sure I’m doing the right thing by other's standards. I only have my own standards to comply with. I prefer to stay on the wagon concerning humans, and I’m past the point of needing something to admonish my ass for mistakes they too have made. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I pile my boxes and bags downstairs in the garage. Edward did not come back and I don’t expect him to. Leaving through the side door, I take off running in the early morning light. My destination lay in Port Angeles to a place where I keep parts of me hidden even from my family. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>While I run, I formulate a plan in my head, much like planning a battle strategy and I have forgotten how good well-thought out plans could make a military man feel. The first order of business; money as I can’t live on Cullen credit cards alone like I had been doing for the past many years. The second; finding a place to live, it had to be somewhere secluded and within easy reaching distance of some feeding grounds. The third part of the plan will happen once I start settling into my new life on my own and creating a completely new man. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So much of me for the past decades entwined with Alice now I get to imagine myself to my liking instead of Alice's image. To appease her I let her pick my clothes and hairstyles without complaint. Well I was my own man again; I was going to make the most of it. Jasper Hale is permanently gone along with the oppression of Jasper Cullen. I am Jasper Whitlock; someone trying to do the right thing and to be a friend but also an asshole, Major, former red-eyed, sadomasochistic Angel of Death. I’m one and all and maybe that is who I was supposed to be all along. I am coming home. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you everyone for the views and kudos.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Freedom</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jasper begins to set his new life into motion</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>There shall be a Supreme Good in the spiritual world; I shall have the power to seek this with freedom until I find it, to acknowledge it as such when found and it shall be my fault if I do not find it. - Fichte (Vocation...page 43)</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>On this day I see clearly everything has come to life/A bitter place and a broken dream/And we'll leave it all behind - Altar Bridge (Metalingus)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I can feel you all around me/Thickening the air I'm breathing/Holding on to what I'm feeling/Savoring this heart that's healing - Flyleaf (All Around Me)</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Freedom </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>My biggest obstacle is time. I want everything ready within a fortnight and luckily, when you throw enough money at them, people tend to move as quickly as you want them to. Just outside of the town I slow to a human pace turning into the large secluded facility. Punching in the code, I wait impatiently as the metal fence opens enough for me to slip through the narrow opening. In seconds, I am punching in another code to the small warehouse sized room, then press my thumb to the door that opens. Hitting the light switch near the door fluorescent lights began popping open all over the room. Closing and locking the door behind me, I make my way through two rows of dust-covered vehicles and to the back where I kept my private office. Alice's visions with the stock market had done extremely well, but none of them knew just how well I had done with those tips. Another room hides my more intricate gadgets and systems. Edward likes his music, Rosalie her cars, Alice her shopping, Emmett his video games, Esme her decorating and Carlisle healing; me, I liked to make things go boom. Only Charlotte and Peter know my plans dealing with the intricacies of remote detonation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Taking off my jacket, I throw it on a chair and uncover the state of the art computers that I build from scratch. Some of the components will not be available on the market for the next few years, others are my own invention. Sitting in the leather desk chair, I cue up the internet and my private bank account. Checking my balances, I was happy to note that my dividend shares alone would fund a small third world country. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The transference from one account to another takes no time at all. A simple internet search shows me the link for realty companies where their listings showed some promise. Over the years, all of us had learned how to forge any documents with my man in Seattle helping with the harder to get international passports that became necessary. Checking supplies and making sure all the necessary provisions are in order to change my identification later. For now, all I would take was a spare set of I.D. cards and papers with the name Jasper Whitlock. They are nowhere near the perfection I like but they will suffice for the day to get me what I want. I make notes of the properties I want to see along with their phone numbers and turn off the computer before grabbing and putting on my jacket. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Walking halfway through the warehouse in between the rows of cars, I envision each pristine piece of metal under their covers. One in particular calls to me. I have only driven her once and that was from Seattle to where she resides now. Carefully I start peeling back the white cover. The black paint is shining in brilliance as the cover falls away leaving a sight that still makes me sigh in pleasure. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This is a pristine model of perfection and speed. Gray leather interior shows through the windows and I can not wait to sit behind the wheel again feeling her powerful engine purr. The beautiful machine's speedometer maxed at 205 mph and the car flies across the pavement in the blink of an eye. More than one sales clerk had drooled when she rolled into the showroom though most people did when they caught sight of a Porsche Carrera GT for the first time. She is as deadly as she is beautiful. One wrong turn, one miscalculation in the driver would have you wrapped around a pole and wondering what had happened. She wasn’t the fastest I owned, but she is the least inconspicuous.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Quickly I go back into the office and punch in yet another code for a safe. The safe contains the keys to every vehicle and the keys to the Porsche wink at me in the light, beckoning me? I also grab the I.D. and the book for my bank account in Port Angeles. Releasing the keys from their peg I close the box and reset the system then shove the rest inside my inner jacket pocket. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lovingly I move my hand along the curves in the hood and down the door with human slowness, savoring every moment. The leather seat fits me like a glove and I let go another sigh of pleasure. I push the key into the ignition and turn. A growling purr makes my body tingle. Hitting the garage door opener, I let out the clutch, ease down on the gas and slip into first gear. The crawl out of the garage, then waiting for the door to close and the outer door to open is agony. I want to be out and running free, so does the machine around me. Turning it to the local rock station, I drive with pulsating drums and guitar riffs, feeling free.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Within a few blocks, I shift the gears into second and within minutes fully through all the gear and the needle was close to max. The powerful V10 engine growls in release and pleasure and I right along with it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I have the list of the few properties I found online that interest me in my hand and make my way to the one closest. Just driving up the lane pass the sale signs I have a feeling the first house is going to be a firm no. The log cabin is the house I am wanting for the property is all wrong. Quickly scaling a tree, I look and to my dismay find the neighbors home excessively close for enjoyment. Granted for normal humans the four or five acres between houses were more than ample room to move, I however was not a normal human. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Getting back in the car, I am glad not to feel disappointment. Putting the car back into gear, I drive a few minutes to the next place. This place is not so bad. The lot is substantial and the house a good size as well. The property for the moment sits vacant so it was no problem to jimmy the back door and take a small tour. It definitely has potential, would have to be completely gutted for what I want but the square footage is similar to Carlisle and Esme's home? Again, outside I scale a tree and barely contain the profanity that escapes from my lips. It is too close to the treaty line with La Push. That will not do at all. Fuming slightly I get back in the car and drive making sure to steer clear of La Push and the treaty lines. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The third house in the area that is the closest to what I am looking for is almost five miles away from La Push and First Beach, which is fine by me. My car steadily clicks the miles past Second and Third Beaches. The realtor's sale sign near the road points to an almost hidden drive. The amount of forest around tells me that I’m near the edge of the Olympic National Forest and fairly close to the Bogachiel River. Ruts and stones keep my pace at a crawl on the lengthy driveway. The driveway breaks into a clearing then in front of me, a large open pasture where Elk roam freely. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The web site lists the house with eighty acres of land. There is not a soul around for miles, and easy access to a hunting ground would be no farther than out my own door. The river flows through part of the property for close to a half mile. This is definitely the place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In clipped tones while sitting in a tree overlooking the river, I place the call, expressing to the agent that I was putting down a bid for the property. Because of the land and the price the house has been empty for close to two years. However, with a five million-dollar price tag it was to be expected. The agent starts listing off all the things they are supposed to tell you when you went to buy a house. Impatience doesn’t sit well in me as I explain to him I would be at his office in the next hour. It will give me enough time to go to the bank for a certified check, then there is nothing else to do except to sign papers anyway and wait for the title.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Running back to the car, I slowly back out of the gravel drive once again. This would be the first thing I take care of. I did not relish the stones putting nicks in the paint jobs of my favorite cars. The drive back to Port Angeles seems to take forever even with the gas pedal on the floor. I have seen what I want and now I am impatient to have it. Pulling into the bank's parking lot, I immediately see several heads turn to stare. Yep the car is definitely a conversation starter. Clicking the alarm, I make my way in. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The only teller there is doing business with a burly hulk in a suit. I hope this would not take long. The bank appears woefully understaffed even for a small town. "I'd like to speak to your manager please."  The teller is impatient as she looks me over, there's no point to messing with her emotions; she wants me gone from here with as much haste as I do. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Checking my watch, I am sure that my substantial deposit has transferred by now. The glory of the internet makes everything so much more efficient. Years ago we would have had to bide our time and wait for a deposit to be transferred from one bank to another, now it only took a few keystrokes instead of days. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Just a minute sir, I will see if she is available." I smile, lean against the counter and try to fidget. A woman, older than her looks by the way she carries herself; but still couldn’t be yet thirty, comes out of the adjoining office looking pristine and proper in a dark blue suit. Long thick dark brown hair was twisted up exposing a lovely graceful neck and possibly Indian heritage, it was her eyes that captured me; huge brown eyes bring Bella to my mind and I can again taste her blood on my tongue. My preference for rich brown eyes has carried over from my human years, hell it's what attracted me to that bitch Maria. It makes the predator in me grin at this stranger and think about all the things I can do to her that do not require one drop of her precious blood spilt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Good morning sir. I am Janine Simmons. What can I do for you?" She has a feeling that I am the lackey for whoever made the deposit under an hour ago, along with an inner stress and sorrow that just sits in her chest not moving. Those feelings were with her for so long they were a part of her. It intrigues me, laying there within the depth of molten dark chocolate and hidden behind a bright smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"May we talk in private please?" I gesture toward her office, then follow, catching a surprising whiff of jasmine, grapefruit and musk from her neck and try not to purr. With all the sensitive noses, only Esme wore anything and it was just a light dab of Shalimar. I’d forgotten just how luscious, delicious and tantalizing the smell of a woman’s neck can be. Not the shit that all the girls in the high schools wore, this was a delicate woman’s scent and my mouth watered for just one inhale at her pulse point. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sits behind her desk then gestures to the seat across from her in the cramped space. Janine is nervous and licks her lips, leaving them glistening and rosy and I breath deep as her pulse speeds spreading heat and that incredible scent in the air. It has been too long since I’ve been alone with a human, decades. She moves papers away and I don’t see any jewelry; especially a wedding ring, only a good quality gold watch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What can I do for you today?" She weaves her fingers together on top of the desk and gives me her full attention as well as a feeling of helpful willingness. The fingers are shaking, as she looks at the door as if expecting a visitor and her pulse again races which raises her blood pressure and creates a flush to her cheeks. Something is not right, but I don’t have a clue as to what, she’s giving little away. Even so, I like this woman and gave her a smile that leaves a further blush to her cheeks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm sure you've seen by now where a substantial deposit was made into this bank this morning." She nods and I continue. "I am looking at some property and I need a cashier's check drawn on that account." Leaning back in my chair, I rest my arms on the sides and smile dazzling her and making her feel calmer and trust.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"First sir, I need to see some identification as to the account. Second, our policy states that all deposits, with nature such as yours are held for seventy-two hours to be cleared properly." Janine smiles and I like her even more for not giving into me right away and following her position's protocol. She still feels distrust as if the very emotion is ingrained in her very bones.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I pull my bankbook from my coat and hand it to her along with my identification. Without a word, she looks me over as well as the documents, then turns to her computer punching in the necessary information. She becomes very confident when everything checks out, undoubtedly having fear that there is an error somewhere in their system by the sheer size of my deposit. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I see that everything checks out on this end sir, but there is still a seventy-two hours waiting period, before I could issue a cashier's check. It is the bank's policy to make sure that all funds are transferred properly." Yet again, I am impressed, but I grow tired and have a meeting in ten minutes. Dosing her with more trust and calm is not what I want to do, I got tired of doing this shit in the wars.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If you'd like, you can call the transferring bank and confirm the deposit. I can assure you that the size of my deposit is more than enough to cover the amount of the certified check." Leaning in I stare into her eyes smiling and allowing my ability to dazzle humans to do just that. Janine flushes and in an instant, I can smell her arousal along with the smell of her perfume wafting toward me, it’s intoxicating and a long lost part of me claws to claim her as mine. Once upon a time, I wouldn’t have thought twice, just grabbed her from across the desk, and had my fill of her body as my mouth and venom proclaimed her as property of the Major. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I will need to call my boss to confirm that I can do that sir. It will only take a minute." Her hands press flat on the desk as her breath comes out of her mouth in small gasps. Her breath is very enticing, minty from a mint before introducing herself, and I feel dazzled. That instant I finalize my internal determination to have more of her. Leaning back, I gesture to her phone and try to make myself comfortable in the too small chair. My eyes lock on the beauty of her neck, the soft curls refusing to be pushed back, the honeyed milk color of her skin and my mouth keeps pooling with venom and the urges that I haven’t felt in too long, even before Alice. The last person I’d felt this pull too was Charlotte. Honestly it has more to do with the freedom I haven’t experienced in the decades since joining Carlisle’s coven, no one left me alone with humans for more than a moment or two and the overwhelming odors of a high school were enough to make a vamp purge let alone want to sink a mouth in for long drawn pulls of ambrosia.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As she dials, I glance down at my left hand and flares of anger begin shooting through me.  I do not have any reason not to give into such a lovely prospect anymore. As of this morning, my marriage; not that it ever was a real one, with Alice is over, and I am a free man. I could, in fact, take out the lovely creature across from me and would not be cheating on a wife that just this morning had stated it was over and that she was off to find a better prospect. Not that marriage had ever held much of a physicality, since Carlisle forced us into marrying rather than humans getting too suspicious. Who was I kidding, we were always better as best friends not as the perfect couple so many saw. I hated her shopping, she hated my computers, I hated that she was always right, and she hated that I would let her feel that hate. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Janine smiles at the phone and makes a few notes on a small pad, the movements pull me back into the moment and away from wanting to lash out and hurt Alice just for all the bullshit. In the seconds of watching a beautiful smile on a friendly face wearing a faint rosy glow, I make up my mind, I am stronger than all of them give me credit for. Turning she looks at me and nods her head before dialing the number she has written down. I take the nod as the bank's acceptance to go forth with my certified check and smile back at the lovely Jani; that I instantly decide to call her, wondering if like her name she is a gift sent from God. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In moments, she is done with light dancing in her eyes. Her boss is happy with her and for landing such a deposit for the bank, she feels like celebrating. I feel like helping her do just that and send a small dose of my happiness her way. The smile that lights her face and eyes is extraordinary and I have no issue basking in the glow rewarded to me by such a lovely creature.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"To whom would you like your check made out, Mr. Whitlock?" Her citrus musk scent hits me again and I stand holding out my hand to her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I will be back with that information as soon as I know. I just wanted to get the preliminaries done by coming to see you first. Just get everything ready and I hope to be back within the hour." Her hand shakes a little as it meets mine and she almost gasps when she feels the coldness of my skin but quickly regains her composure. I can feel the swirl of emotions from her, long buried ones of fear and nervousness make her heart race so hard I know it's in her throat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We will be here waiting to serve you when you return Mr. Whitlock and I wish you luck in your venture." She leads me out of the office and to the front doors, as I was sure she did for every customer, whether they were depositing ten dollars or the ten million that I just had. I don’t like the look she gives around the room or the way her heart races with more than a tinge of fear, I don’t get the chance to comment as she removes herself from the lobby and back to the office. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shaking off my own feelings of curiosity as nothing more than her innate fear of being around a predator, I jump back into the car. Glancing at the address of the realty company, by speeding I will make the appointment just in time. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yes, the original character of Jani will be around for the rest of the story and has an integral part to play as her story is woven into another characters. She will have a relationship with Jasper to warn you now, and no, I have no plans to change that. For anyone that wants to know what she looks like... look up young pictures of the Indian actress Juhi Chawla. She's got incredible comedic timing and I've adored her for years, especially her films with Shahrukh Khan. She is who I was imagining when I wrote the character.</p>
<p>This is the Jasper's House. https://www.vrbo.com/307376</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Excitement</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“To be free, in the sense sated, means that I myself will make myself whatever I want to be.” - Fichte (Vocation p. 44)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I will cross the ocean into the unknown/I will face the darkness, I am not alone/I will fight against the voice that says to quit/And shout it from my lips that I can do this - Plumb (I Can Do This)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Excitement </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I find the company in a quaint little cottage with brightly colored flowers lining the walkway to the door. The inside decor is clean though a little tacky and the receptionist is just hanging up the phone. She looks at me without saying anything obviously not as trained as Janine had been at the bank. She’s frustrated and harassed, so perhaps environmental rather than training.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I have an appointment with Mr. Marshall. I called earlier." I turn from her rudeness and begin looking at the photo listings of properties they have for sale. I hear her get up rather noisily. She is not happy with her job or of being near Mr. Marshall, and trepidation rolls off of her as she hesitates at the office door. So not rude, just untrusting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A plump fellow with a too red face, balding patch and huge nose comes into the room. He stares at his receptionist's ass as she sits and his lust almost makes me feel ill for the poor young woman. No wonder she hates him and I hate that I’m about to make the man's day. Looking at her I push forward the emotions that she had important errands to run. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm Jasper Whitlock; I spoke to you earlier about the property on the river." I hold out my hand and he shakes it limp wristed. His shake and manner happened to be a little too ambitious. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Come on in Jasper, if I may call you that." He walks me to his office and I give no indication to whether he could call me by my name or not, with this person it would not matter anyway. Behind me, the receptionist is putting on her coat and grabbing her bag. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Mr. Marshall, I have to run to the post office and to get your dry cleaning." She doesn’t bother coming to the door, just calls out instead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Parts of me know that I will later check up on the young woman just to make sure the old man stays away. It is the least I can do for whatever he will put her through on his happy occasion. For decades I was the lascivious bastard that preyed on young women, glorifying in their fear of me. It is an emotion I can no longer stomach in anyone, let alone the women that cross my path. The thought of anyone hurting a woman I care for, let alone family, almost makes me want to rip the guys arms off and beat him to death with them. “Cool it Major,”, we have more important work to do as I say to myself trying to quell my inner beast</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So you're looking at the property. It is a beauty and one of the largest in the area. I have been trying to unload the damned house for almost three years. No one in this economy can come up with the funds. Fellow could make a fortune putting a luxury resort there, would have tried myself if it were not so danged close to the parks. Those damned tree huggers never want to let a man make a few bucks if it will harm some rare weed." Huffing he bends to get a file out of a low cabinet and then huffs again getting in his chair. I can tell by his over excitement for the sale and his gushing that he had bought the property himself to turn a profit. He found out that he could not, now he has no other alternative but to sell and try to make up the money there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"A wildlife conservation group formed a trust for the house, seems the state won't let anything else on the property but a private residence. The house also needs work. With an asking price of five million it's a real steal for that much land along the river." Sure enough, the papers he hands me have his name attached; he has tried to white it out at some point but vampire eye sight lets me make it out easily. Obviously he thinks better of the fraud charges that are attached to him should the proper authorities find out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Would you happen to have any coffee Mr. Marshall? I've had a long morning and could do with the caffeine." The cup will sit untouched but he does not know that. I just want to get a chance to look over all the papers about the property while he is gone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Sure. Rebecca!" His voice comes out in an unpleasant bellow that hurts my sensitive ears. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I believe she left for the post office. If you wouldn't mind I would love that cup of coffee, and I would also like to call my bank in private about transferring funds." I make a gesture of pulling out my phone and give the lecherous man a dazzling smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Sure, sure that is not a problem. Do you take anything in it?" His body makes disgusting noises as he heaves himself from the chair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Black is fine. Thank you." I pretend to dial numbers and make it seem as if I am on hold. He leaves the room mumbling about ungrateful secretaries and women not knowing their place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lighting fast I grab the folder from his desk and skim the contents. It was as I suspect he had bought the property for a song not knowing about the detailed trust. Several papers hold denials for proposals of building a casino claiming that it would not be benefiting the local Quileute tribe's interest to become involved in such a venture. I also find the deed showing where Mr. Marshall had paid half the amount for the property he was trying to sell. No wonder he’s so excited about my interest he stands to double his profit without doing anything. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hearing his footsteps just outside, I position the papers back on his desk and make it seem as if I was just hanging up from my call. Looking at his grinning face, I know I can pay him the amount he wants but it would weigh on my conscience to better this man's life when he is not worth it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Good news I hope." A paper cup of coffee that looks and smells like tar sits in front of me. I take a sip just to be polite, almost gagging, it even tastes like tar. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"After speaking with my attorney and my bank I am prepared to make you an offer." The grin and glee on his face and in his thoughts have me want to gag on more than the atrocious coffee. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Wonderful. Let me get all the papers." He makes a big show of pulling out contracts and the deed from the file while not showing any of the other information that he doesn’t want me to see. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Leaning in close, I grin and begin to dazzle him. He will think that he is getting rid of a lemon property and better to cut his losses. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm prepared to offer you two million dollars for the property. The price is non negotiable." Letting the dazzle take effect quickly I dial the bank and ask to speak with Janine. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Janine Simmons, how may I help you?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Janine, this is Jasper Whitlock, I need the amount for the cashier's check made out for two million dollars to Mr. Conrad Marshall." The man in front of me continues to pick through papers as I dazzle him, dosing him with confidence and happiness.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That is no problem, Mr. Whitlock, when can I expect your return?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That is a problem. I need to ask a favor of you Janine. I am here at Marshall Realty, would it inconvenience you too much to run it here to me. We will also need a notary and your office door proclaimed your license. I would hate to leave the bank in a lurch but it is of the utmost importance." My words drip with honey into the phone and I know without a doubt that she will be here with the check in minutes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I can do that Mr. Whitlock. I will ask Nancy to look after the bank until my return. We are not as busy today so fifteen minutes away should be all right. Our security guard Russ just got back from his break so there will be no problems. Will that be all?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yes, thank you so much Janine, you are being an incredible help." I hang up the phone with a snap. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So Conrad, where is the line I sign? Janine is running us the certified check as we speak." The minutes until Jani’s arrival goes smoothly as I dot all the I's and cross all the T's. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her arrival coincides with Ms. Peterson's and a brilliant idea comes to mind, I can kill another bird with one stone. "Ms. Simmons, I take it to believe the bank shorthanded at the present." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yes, we are, our oldest teller just retired, and the other left on maternity leave." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Would you be willing to train someone new to fill the position if they already have basic skills?" I pocket the newly signed papers proclaiming me the owner of the property I want with the keys. Transferring the title is literally a legal formality at this point. Passing the check to Mr. Marshall who still appears dazzled even though I am no longer attempting to do so. His eyes have traveled up Jani’s legs and over her ass now unhidden from her wet raincoat, his lust is palatable as his eyes linger over her chest, never bothering to look at her face. Good thing as I barely contain the growl in my throat and the urge to rip his repulsive eyes from his head and smash them beneath my boot.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yes, it would be a godsend to find someone even remotely qualified. I would have no problem training anyone that could fill the position." She looks at me. The pleasant blush yet again lingering on her cheeks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I believe I know of someone. Shall I send them around to you later today?" I finger my car keys. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Tomorrow would be better." Smiling, she seems almost woozy and I turn my gaze, not wanting her to be too confused to go back to work. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Another question, might I take you to dinner this evening? I now have realized that I have some time available and I would like to thank you for your help." I speak away from her not wanting to dazzle her into her decision though I already know the answer to be yes. She was too excited to see me again when she walked in the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Sure, we can discuss any other choices the bank may have to offer you." She picks up her briefcase to leave. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'll pick you up at the bank at closing." I usher her toward the door and leave Mr. Marshall beaming and staring at his two million dollar check. After I leave, he will wonder where the rest of it is but will be too happy to care. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Turning before I leave, I stare at Ms. Peterson while she stares at her boss’s door. She is afraid of what he will do to her once we are gone. While she does so, she fingers purple bruises on her wrists. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Rebecca." I say the word in a throaty whisper and she turns to look at me. Staring her in the eyes I make Rebecca feel the realization that she did not want to be at this job another second. “The bank down the street is looking for help. The pay and benefits are sure to be better. Ms. Simmons will see you tomorrow, just tell her that Jasper Whitlock sends you.” I smile as she grabs her coat and handbag before following me out the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Getting into the car, I try not to howl in glee. What had started out the worst day of my existence is turning out not so bad. I now had a house to call my own, got one over on a bad person and gave a young woman a new lease on life before she killed the bad guy. Yep, it was turning out to be one hell of a day. All of this was without spilling one drop of human blood. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Patting the keys in my pocket, I peel out onto the street and make my way to Seattle. Phase one was now complete; phase two was a phenomenal success now it was time for phase three. By the end of the Jasper Hale would fully be gone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As I drive I feel the excitement in me along with the reality that I really can do this. I’m not the Cullen freak show and I have better control than I was led to believe for so many years. Granted, I don’t want to be around someone bleeding out if I can help it, but I also innately know that without the rest of the Cullen bloodlust mucking around in my emotions that I’m not going to go bat shit crazy if anyone else gets a papercut or a skinned knee. The more humans I am around the more my confidence is growing and I know that I will soon be able to help Bella and still be a part of her life should she wish for it. I hope she wishes for it, with the exception of Peter and Charlotte, I have now lost everyone of importance in my life as if I am nothing but old baggage,  I don’t want to lose the one person who has always believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself.</span>
</p>
<p>
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</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This story was originally uploaded to fanfiction.net in 2009 under the name Aerialla1 and it's title was Second Chances. It takes place immediately after my fic One Drop. Other than some difference in chapter titles and a better editing it is standing as it was then. This story started out because of one Breaking Benjamin song Breath so Breaking Benjamin is still a huge influence on my work, along with hard rock and metal. I can easily see Jasper getting lost in the aggression that comes from hard rock as a release. I have tentative playlists started on Spotify for anyone curious of the songs and any lyrics I use; one is hard rock/metal, the other one is classical modern pieces.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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